So there I was, holding fire.

Let me back up.

I decided to make myself some dinner. I had this box of spaghetti from 1943 that said “Support your troops: Buy War Bonds” on it, but my mom ensured me that spaghetti does not, in fact, go bad. So I thanked her for suffering through a retarded phone conversation with me then got to work. I cooked up the spaghetti in one pot and some delicious turkey in the other to mix with my canned Ragu.

One obvious problem. I had defrosted the turkey by putting it in the fridge some hours previous which, in fact, did nothing to defrost the turkey. So after hacking and tearing it to pieces I managed to cut off a good enough chunk of ground turkey to cook. Next step… cooking it. At my grandma’s house I’m living at now I don’t know where everything is, but eventually I found some extra virgin olive oil and was minorly foiled as it had a cork for a topper (normally I fill the cap with oil, pour and go), so I poured a bit too much, started it a-sizzling and then dropped in the turkey.

Well it turns out olive oil is flamable, and some must have splashed over the side because I blinked and then the whole stove was full of fire and I went “Dizam!” And grabbed it. I started for the sink when I looked down and paused, realizing I was holding the very short handle to a pot spewing flames in every direction, and I couldnt help but remember that oil tends to explode and splatter when hot.

So there I was, holding fire.

I probably didn’t actually pause all that long before tossing the pan in the sink, using water to put out the fire, then putting the turkey back on (and eating a delish meal).

My only concern then was if I undercooked the Turkey or not but eh, whatcha gunna do? Eating raw Turkey can’t be bad for you right?

(Before everyone chimes in to tell me that Turkey has Salmonella, I looked that up to… but Im still alive so I think I’m fine)

Moral of the Story: Nathan’s an idiot.