So over the weekend I went into LA, and while there I saw a naughty puppet show. Er that is to say I saw a really cool show put on by a group called The Rogue Artists Ensemble. It was great. It’s based on a Neil Gaiman book called “The Tragic Comedy or Comic Tragedy of Mr. Punch”. I guess the guy who illustrated it was at the opening night performance. I’d REALLY recommend it to people. It was a cool show, and I mean c’mon… naughty puppet show. I went with my heterosexual life partner, Manu, and the show was 25 bucks each after a fatty discount, and since we went on the Gala opening we got free food and beer. Uh… yes please?

Afterwards we went to a bar in Hollywood called ‘big wangs’… yeah. Anyways, while at Big Wangs Manu was buying me drinks, and I spotted a girl hotter than most in the place (but certainly not THAT hot). So I figured what the hell, I’m never going to see or talk to her again. Further, she and her friends were sitting there, not talking to anyone outside of her group and so I thought ‘I’ll use a Manuism on her’. So I sat down at her table, when one of her friends left and had the following discussion.

Me: I have a question to ask you.
Her: (Immediatly) The answer is no
Me: How can the answer be no, when you don’t know what the question is?
Her: It just is, the answer is no
Me: I don’t think it is… I mean I could be wrong, but I don’t think it’s no
Her: It’s no. (then rolling her eyes) Fine, what’s your question

As a pause. The majority of my intent here was to lay a line on her and eject, and this was immediately becoming too much trouble than it’s worth. To continue:

Me: Well, obviously a bunch of guys in here are like, oogling you, but I was curious if anyone had told you that you were beautiful or not yet tonight.
(Her friend awwws at this, and she just shakes her head, hugs her friend and goes)
Her: Only my friend Sarah! (or whatever, and kisses her on the cheek)
So I triumphantly raise my drink
Me: See? I told you the answer wasn’t no.
She looks at her friend or hugs her again or something, meanwhile the friend in the bathroom has returned, and sortof nudges me with her hip, and says “You’re in my seat. But slide over one” and she motioned to the 4th chair at the table. So I transition. I’m now sitting across from the girl I’d been talking to… and have nothing else. I mean not only didn’t I particularly care to talk to her in the first place. She’d been blow offy and bitchy since I sat down. So I sat there quietly for a minute and was like “Uh, well I’m going to go, just wanted to be sure someone told you that you were beautiful” and I stood up, tipped my drink, and returned to my friends, but not before she said.

“I hope you sleep well tonight”

What the fuck kind of parting compliment is that? It’s like she knew some dude with a knife was going to find me and stab the christ out of me.

To continue.

I go retell the story, and go back to watching something far more entertaining that they have on the TV. “50 GREATEST BEATDOWNS OF ALL TIME”… I mean… fuck yeah, how can you go wrong with that right? So we’re watching, and then Manu’s boss goes over and does the stereotypical hit on the not as hot friend. As he is, he has hands on the back of the chair I’d been sitting in, and I wouldnt have noticed anything except Manu nudged me and said “I think that guy just grabbed Avidan’s ass” And I glanced over and watches, as I do, this guy takes a sip of his beer, puckers his lips, and shoots a small stream of it onto Avidan’s ass. And we’re sortof befuddled for a moment. And he does it again. At which point we sortf shout for him to ‘fucking knock it off’. His immediate retort is. “Oh it’s cool. He’s my boy”

Manu and I give one another, and the 4 other people there looks and then return our glance to him and go “Uh… no actually, he’s not… he’s our boy” and then the guy stands up, and leaves the bar never to return. His buddies tried apologizing at some point but we left hastily thereafter.

All in all it was a crazy weird night, but a quite fun one. Then on Saturday I watched Batman with my ‘real tight homeboys’ and enjoyed it quite a bit. I got home lateish and crashed and had to work on Sunday and Monday and today I enjoyed a blissfully peaceful day off.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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Posted by admin - 22/07/08 - 0 comments

 

Flogging Molly was Awesome.
Punk Rock Karaoke was Awesome.
Bouncing Souls were Awesome.
Dead to Me was Not Awesome.

The most surreal point of the night was the cute short chick who came up to me, started grinding her ass into my crotch dancing, then apologized. I said “Uh… don’t worry about it” and she continued to be all grindy, then went back to her boyfriend who was standing right next to me and the second hugest guy in the place, dance with him for a minute, then spend the rest of the set dancing up in my business. At one point she said “You make a good back rest” which is more or less one of the weirder compliments I’ve gotten. And between songs she was all leaning up on me, and her boyfriend would look over and I could see him glaring at me out of the corner of my eyes so eventually I escaped a chick grinding on my crotch by bailing into a raging mosh pit. Which was sortof effective, if not for the smog machines and people smoking inside so soon my fatass was ready to have an asthma attack, and right as I was trying to decide which was the better choice, getting my ass kicked by some huge guy because his girlfriend though I made a good stripper pole, or dying a slow choking death in the mosh pit, some chick infront of me fell down (who throws toilet paper into a mosh pit) and I fell down ontop of her. My mind said “Help her up” so I went to hook my hands around her arms and pull her up, only my asphixiating brain didn’t realize that in order for me to help her up, I had to be standing. So now instead of rising smoothly and pulling her with me, I was laying ontop of her, gasping, with my arms around her madly jerking her against my body. Luckily I somehow regained my footing before everyone though I was just having my way with the first chick to fall down in the mosh pit.

All in all it was a great show, but Im still trying to clear all the crap out of my lungs. Gofberg knows how to do the bday right.

So now I get to go home, go to bed, wake up, and cram for a final I haven’t really studied for that I have to take in less than 12 hours. I’m so boned. (oh and I have 0 gas in my car and need to coast to a gas station… punk rawwwwk)

I blame Punk Rock, Women and Booze, more or less in that order. So this is me throwing up the horns, blasting some Rancid in my car and hoping that I make it to a gas station so I can pass out and take a test bleary eyed and choking tomorrow, then… FREEDOM!

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Posted by admin - 12/12/07 - 0 comments

 

So here’s what happened. We go into this bar called Philly West. It’s right by Manu’s house and they have amazing Cheesesteaks and beer. So we go in, we get the cheesesteaks, we get the bear, and we start to talk and drink. Kim, one of Manu’s co-workers, is bitching about how she came over straight from work and doesn’t have anything to change into. At one point, she frustratedly asks our creepy, older bartender

“Hey, do you have something I can change into?”

He thinks for a long moment, then looks at her and says.

“Uh… a stripper?”

Best

Line

Ever.

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Posted by admin - 24/04/06 - 0 comments