Who you are: A wealthy TV executive who wants a quick resolution to the tedious nuances of Collective Bargaining. You are a go-getter, looking to make a name for yourself and willing to pay a reasonable salary to see that your issues are settled quickly and out of court. You are looking for someone who can be discreet while also being very blunt. Or you are just looking for some entertainment as you sit on your throne of crushed hopes and dreams in your penthouse office watching the picket lines, and find human suffering to be the greatest form of reality entertainment.
Who I Am: I am a longtime strikebreaker with a history of success. I come from a long line of Pinkerton men and am a classically trained axe-handle handler. I also pride myself on my old-school work ethic. The strikes I have broken I have done so in fact so successfully that you’ve probably never heard of them. The Pro-Prohibition strike of ’99, The Special Education Educators Strike of ’05, The Salvation Army Equal Pay for Equal Work strike of ’94, and the Hospice Nurse strike of ’06. I have my own axehandle complete with grip tape and it has over 157 notches. I have a bachelors degree in Human Resources from Cornell and graduated Cum Laude. I am also a member of the Strikebreakers Union and have appropriate certifications to offer as needed.
I do anti-war protests, social causes and unlawful gatherings, as well as make House Calls.
I have included a picture so you can tell I mean business, stop hesitating, the longer you wait the more we all suffer. Your airtime is valuable, don’t waste it on reruns. Go with the axe-handle that companies have trusted for years to quickly resolve their Union issues.