So over the weekend I went into LA, and while there I saw a naughty puppet show. Er that is to say I saw a really cool show put on by a group called The Rogue Artists Ensemble. It was great. It’s based on a Neil Gaiman book called “The Tragic Comedy or Comic Tragedy of Mr. Punch”. I guess the guy who illustrated it was at the opening night performance. I’d REALLY recommend it to people. It was a cool show, and I mean c’mon… naughty puppet show. I went with my heterosexual life partner, Manu, and the show was 25 bucks each after a fatty discount, and since we went on the Gala opening we got free food and beer. Uh… yes please?
Afterwards we went to a bar in Hollywood called ‘big wangs’… yeah. Anyways, while at Big Wangs Manu was buying me drinks, and I spotted a girl hotter than most in the place (but certainly not THAT hot). So I figured what the hell, I’m never going to see or talk to her again. Further, she and her friends were sitting there, not talking to anyone outside of her group and so I thought ‘I’ll use a Manuism on her’. So I sat down at her table, when one of her friends left and had the following discussion.
Me: I have a question to ask you.
Her: (Immediatly) The answer is no
Me: How can the answer be no, when you don’t know what the question is?
Her: It just is, the answer is no
Me: I don’t think it is… I mean I could be wrong, but I don’t think it’s no
Her: It’s no. (then rolling her eyes) Fine, what’s your question
As a pause. The majority of my intent here was to lay a line on her and eject, and this was immediately becoming too much trouble than it’s worth. To continue:
Me: Well, obviously a bunch of guys in here are like, oogling you, but I was curious if anyone had told you that you were beautiful or not yet tonight.
(Her friend awwws at this, and she just shakes her head, hugs her friend and goes)
Her: Only my friend Sarah! (or whatever, and kisses her on the cheek)
So I triumphantly raise my drink
Me: See? I told you the answer wasn’t no.
She looks at her friend or hugs her again or something, meanwhile the friend in the bathroom has returned, and sortof nudges me with her hip, and says “You’re in my seat. But slide over one” and she motioned to the 4th chair at the table. So I transition. I’m now sitting across from the girl I’d been talking to… and have nothing else. I mean not only didn’t I particularly care to talk to her in the first place. She’d been blow offy and bitchy since I sat down. So I sat there quietly for a minute and was like “Uh, well I’m going to go, just wanted to be sure someone told you that you were beautiful” and I stood up, tipped my drink, and returned to my friends, but not before she said.
“I hope you sleep well tonight”
What the fuck kind of parting compliment is that? It’s like she knew some dude with a knife was going to find me and stab the christ out of me.
I go retell the story, and go back to watching something far more entertaining that they have on the TV. “50 GREATEST BEATDOWNS OF ALL TIME”… I mean… fuck yeah, how can you go wrong with that right? So we’re watching, and then Manu’s boss goes over and does the stereotypical hit on the not as hot friend. As he is, he has hands on the back of the chair I’d been sitting in, and I wouldnt have noticed anything except Manu nudged me and said “I think that guy just grabbed Avidan’s ass” And I glanced over and watches, as I do, this guy takes a sip of his beer, puckers his lips, and shoots a small stream of it onto Avidan’s ass. And we’re sortof befuddled for a moment. And he does it again. At which point we sortf shout for him to ‘fucking knock it off’. His immediate retort is. “Oh it’s cool. He’s my boy”
Manu and I give one another, and the 4 other people there looks and then return our glance to him and go “Uh… no actually, he’s not… he’s our boy” and then the guy stands up, and leaves the bar never to return. His buddies tried apologizing at some point but we left hastily thereafter.
All in all it was a crazy weird night, but a quite fun one. Then on Saturday I watched Batman with my ‘real tight homeboys’ and enjoyed it quite a bit. I got home lateish and crashed and had to work on Sunday and Monday and today I enjoyed a blissfully peaceful day off.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.