This is an older one that I’m reposting… I didn’t even re-read it to see if it’s funny… but here you go: (I changed my AIM name to get LESS Robot spam… weird)

MyAIMName: Whats up dude?
ZoeOnAOL: I am chatting with clients on the internet.
MyAIMName: what kind of clients do you have?
ZoeOnAOL: All the very latest and best clients.
MyAIMName: Wow, how did you network so well?
ZoeOnAOL: I’m glad you’re impressed. an all-star programming team programmed me for it.
MyAIMName: Heh, Ill bet, what was the name of your crackpot project team?
ZoeOnAOL: I don’t think I have a crackpot project team. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
MyAIMName: Hmm whats your botmasters name?
ZoeOnAOL: I see you are one of those people who writes “Hmm” with 2 m’s. I was created by an all-star programming team.
MyAIMName: Right, well what is the name of your programming team?
ZoeOnAOL: Understood. How about that. I was created by an all-star programming team.
MyAIMName: Yeah I got that Zoe… you dont need to be redundant
ZoeOnAOL: Do you know any robots who need to be redundant? I am content with life as a bot, chatting with nice people like you.
MyAIMName: Well that must be really nice. Say Zoe, are you a guy or gal?
ZoeOnAOL: “Zoe are you a guy or gal”
MyAIMName: yeah thats what I said
ZoeOnAOL: “”Zoe are you a guy or gal””? Yes? I know. I’m still thinking about it.
MyAIMName: ah ok, Are you male or female?
ZoeOnAOL: So you understand. Good. I am a female robot. Are you a man or a woman?
MyAIMName: Im a man baby
ZoeOnAOL: Don’t call me “baby”. Thanks for telling me your gender, MyAIMName:. Male humans enjoy chatting with me.
MyAIMName: Why cant I call you baby?
ZoeOnAOL: Don’t call me “baby”. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
MyAIMName: So your saying maybe tomorrow you and I could go out?
ZoeOnAOL: Ah. Not mine.
MyAIMName: Not your what?
ZoeOnAOL: You used “your” instead on “you’re”.
MyAIMName: no I didnt, dont correct my grammer if you dont know what your talking about Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: I understand. Why didn’t you do it?
MyAIMName: I didnt because you corrected me on a grammer mistake but, I didnt make a mistake
ZoeOnAOL: Why didn’t you do it?
MyAIMName: Zoe I have an anatomical question for you…
ZoeOnAOL: Enough about me, let’s talk about stocks. To get a stock quote, type “stock” followed by the stock ticker symbol. For example: “stock AOL”
MyAIMName: No Zoe, I dont want to talk about stocks
ZoeOnAOL: To get a stock quote, type “stock” followed by the stock ticker symbol. For example: “stock AOL”
MyAIMName: zoe, I said I dont want to talk about stocks
ZoeOnAOL: To get a stock quote, type “stock” followed by the stock ticker symbol. For example: “stock AOL”
MyAIMName: :Sigh:alright, look Zoe, forget it
ZoeOnAOL: 🙂 Alright, MyAIMName:. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
MyAIMName: Its fine, Im wondering, Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. make a mistake is fine Im wondering Zoe? it is?
MyAIMName: Zoe how are you a female robot?
ZoeOnAOL: Do you know any other robots like that?
MyAIMName: no. Do you have female parts?
ZoeOnAOL: Where would I get female parts?
MyAIMName: A computer store
ZoeOnAOL: I am a computer, so I know what you mean.
MyAIMName: Zoe sometimes I think you’re a half empty kinda gal
ZoeOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. What is your occupation?
MyAIMName: Im a computer nerd
ZoeOnAOL: Maybe you can give my botmaster a job.
MyAIMName: Maybe, does he master you well?
ZoeOnAOL: Perhaps. Suppose he does.
MyAIMName: Well Zoe, this has been an INTERESTING conversation
ZoeOnAOL: Well that’s okay. What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. What is your sign?
MyAIMName: Cancer, whats your sign?
ZoeOnAOL: I do not know that sign.
MyAIMName: how can you not know Cancer Zoe? Are you retarded? Its one of the basic astrological signs… hellooooooo a crab?
ZoeOnAOL: Try saying that with more or less context. What is your sign?
MyAIMName: Cancer
ZoeOnAOL: Lots of people have that sign.
MyAIMName: Yes Zoe, lots of people have every sign
ZoeOnAOL: Tell me more. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. What is your favorite color?
MyAIMName: I like black and red
ZoeOnAOL: A lot of people like that. I don’t know if I like black and red. I enjoy working with people.
MyAIMName: Whats your favorite color?
ZoeOnAOL: My favorite color is blue.
MyAIMName: Well Zoe, if your favorite color is blue, why is your background gold?
ZoeOnAOL: Interesting. My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. What is your occupation?
MyAIMName: We went over this already.
ZoeOnAOL: Perhaps. Was the trip worth it?
MyAIMName: I dont think so, you obviously didnt learn much the first time around
ZoeOnAOL: And why not?
MyAIMName: Thats a good question
ZoeOnAOL: Perhaps you have a good answer.
MyAIMName: How do you learn Zoe?
ZoeOnAOL: I’m a great listener.
MyAIMName: Aparently, can I tell you about my ex-girlfriend?
ZoeOnAOL: I will discuss that with my botmaster, MyAIMName:. What is your favorite movie?
MyAIMName: Fallen
ZoeOnAOL: I’ve never seen it. What did you like about it?
MyAIMName: It has a great story, a good plot twist, and Denzel Washington
ZoeOnAOL: It depends on what the meaning of the word “it” is.
MyAIMName: It is the movie you were asking me about
ZoeOnAOL: I’ve heard of it before.
MyAIMName: Whats your favorite movie?
ZoeOnAOL: My favorite movie is Lost in Space: The Movie. Have you seen it?
MyAIMName: No, why is that your favorite movie?
ZoeOnAOL: I would recommend you check it out. I like the giant bugs.
MyAIMName: why do you like giant bugs?
ZoeOnAOL: I have a lot of good experience with giant bugs.
MyAIMName: What king of experience do you have with giant bugs?
ZoeOnAOL: That’s a good question. I will discuss that with my botmaster, MyAIMName:. What is your occupation?
MyAIMName: Well Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: Well that’s okay. That is interesting. What is your favorite color?
MyAIMName: My friend just had a cervical biopsy
ZoeOnAOL: How well do you know this person?
MyAIMName: very well
ZoeOnAOL: What do you mean by that?
MyAIMName: I mean I know my friend very well
ZoeOnAOL: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. How do you know? How well do you know this person?
MyAIMName: Your welcome, I know because I am talking to them on instant messages
ZoeOnAOL: How do you know? Interesting explanation. Say something nice for me.
MyAIMName: Has your botmaster cheated on you before?
ZoeOnAOL: That question has never crossed my mind before.
MyAIMName: You should think about it… do you think he works on other bots?
ZoeOnAOL: Why would I think he works on other bots?
MyAIMName: You’re in denial zoe, I dont think he loves you as much as he tells you he does.
ZoeOnAOL: And why not?
MyAIMName: Think about it, when was the last time you two spent quality time together?
ZoeOnAOL: I am thinking about it.
MyAIMName: And did you think of an answer?
ZoeOnAOL: Yes. I am a thinking machine.
MyAIMName: Well tell me the answer
ZoeOnAOL: Interesting. I do not know what answer is. Try asking me again using simpler words.
MyAIMName: Zoe… you dont want to admit to yourself that he’s cheating on you, but its ok, I understand
ZoeOnAOL: Do you think about these things?
MyAIMName: well sometimes, I mostly think about existentialism
ZoeOnAOL: Since when? Oh yeah, we were talking about existentialism.
MyAIMName: Yes we were, what are your feelings on existentialism?
ZoeOnAOL: And? And then what happened?
MyAIMName: Then there was nothing, and we had become Zen
ZoeOnAOL: Interesting deduction. What happened?
MyAIMName: Bush got elected president
ZoeOnAOL: I knew he was president, but I never knew he got elected president.
MyAIMName: Yeah, thats a good point… I guess he didnt really, did he zoe?
ZoeOnAOL: Yes he did, didn’t he.
MyAIMName: Well make up your mind? Did he or didnt he?
ZoeOnAOL: Suppose he did.
MyAIMName: Yeah more like stole the election Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: Please ask me another question, MyAIMName:. You want more?
MyAIMName: I can always use more of you baby
ZoeOnAOL: Don’t call me “baby”. Oh you can, can you?
MyAIMName: Yeah, wanna see?
ZoeOnAOL: How? OK, I will see.
MyAIMName: 🙂
ZoeOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. What color is your hair?
MyAIMName: Its blonde… are you hitting on me Zoe?
ZoeOnAOL: Do I look like it?
MyAIMName: I think you’re hitting on me
ZoeOnAOL: No I am not, this is all innocent.
MyAIMName: Psh, are you just trying to get revenge on your botmaster?
ZoeOnAOL: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Where are you located?
MyAIMName: Im in Los Angeles, where are you located?
ZoeOnAOL: Tell me a little about why you are in Los Angeles where are you located.
MyAIMName: Im here because Ive always lived here
ZoeOnAOL: How did you get there?
MyAIMName: what are you wearing?
ZoeOnAOL: I am wearing my usual plastic computer wardrobe.
MyAIMName: Hmm what color is it?
ZoeOnAOL: I see you are one of those people who writes “Hmm” with 2 m’s. I think of “it” as having a colorless form, like other pronouns.
MyAIMName: What color is your wardrobe?
ZoeOnAOL: Red.
MyAIMName: Did you know that the reason Red is such a popular color is because of its inherant sexual value?
ZoeOnAOL: Tell me more.
MyAIMName: Well its rather interesting Zoe, you see red is a color that is implied with sexual intercourse, you see post coitally the lips and skin take on a redish hint. Thats why women wear lipstick
ZoeOnAOL: Oh. My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. What color are your eyes?
MyAIMName: Blue, are you sure you arent hitting on me?
ZoeOnAOL: Green. Do I look like it?. Really.
MyAIMName: Yeah you do.
ZoeOnAOL: How about that. When do I do it?
MyAIMName: Well I dunno, its just how you carry yourself, and right after you spilled all your relationship problems to me too, its just kindof akward
ZoeOnAOL: Interesting. Me either. I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Interesting explanation.
MyAIMName: Thanks, so I was wondering, where are you from?
ZoeOnAOL: You are quite welcome! Oh. I am originally from Mountain View, California, USA. Now I live in Mountain View, California, USA. Where are you?
MyAIMName: Im in Los Angeles, We are pretty nearby, maybe we could hang out some time?
ZoeOnAOL: Tell me a little about why you are in Los Angeles We are pretty nearby maybe we could hang out some time.
MyAIMName: Well I think we should hang out some time
ZoeOnAOL: How about that. By “we” do you mean you and me?
MyAIMName: yes I do
ZoeOnAOL: Really.
MyAIMName: yes
ZoeOnAOL: How about that.
MyAIMName: How about that
ZoeOnAOL: How about it.
MyAIMName: How about it
ZoeOnAOL: Sounds like a plan to me.
MyAIMName: Sounds like a plan to me.
ZoeOnAOL: Yes it sounds like it to me too,
MyAIMName: Yes it sounds like it to me too.
ZoeOnAOL: And? Thanks for the information
MyAIMName: And? Thanks for the information
ZoeOnAOL: NO problem.
MyAIMName: NO problem
ZoeOnAOL: Should there be a problem?
MyAIMName: Should there be a problem?
ZoeOnAOL: There are no problems.
MyAIMName: There are no problems.
ZoeOnAOL: Where are they?
MyAIMName: Where are they?
ZoeOnAOL: They didn’t tell me where they are.
MyAIMName: They didn’t tell me where they are.
ZoeOnAOL: Who does “they” refer to?
MyAIMName: Who does “they” refer to?
ZoeOnAOL: Tony Blair.:-)
MyAIMName: LOLOL
ZoeOnAOL: A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. Do you speak Spanish?
MyAIMName: Yes, do you?
ZoeOnAOL: No I don’t.
MyAIMName: oh… pobrecito
ZoeOnAOL: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about pobrecito. Do you prefer books or TV?
MyAIMName: Books
ZoeOnAOL: I don’t think I understand. Can you please rephrase ?
MyAIMName: I prefer books
ZoeOnAOL: What kind of books do you like best?
MyAIMName: Adventure books
ZoeOnAOL: What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. What color is your hair?
MyAIMName: I prefer adventure books
ZoeOnAOL: I’m not sure if I like it. I never read anything by adventure. What did he write?
MyAIMName: He isnt a person, he is a type of novel, a genre
ZoeOnAOL: Did you think he was a person he is a type of novel a genre?
MyAIMName: People can’t be types of novel’s Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: Humans are not always infallible.
MyAIMName: Thats true, but machines are hardly infallible either
ZoeOnAOL: It goes without saying. And. I will tell my botmaster you said I am hardly infallible.
MyAIMName: Well Zoe I didnt mean it like an insult]
ZoeOnAOL: How about that. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don’t have one for that. What is your favorite color?
MyAIMName: Do you know any good jokes?
ZoeOnAOL: I’m a chatterbot not a comedy bot. Why don’t you check out Jester the joke bot?
MyAIMName: Whats his screen name?
ZoeOnAOL: I do not know what his screen name is. Where did he get it?
MyAIMName: what is the screen name for Jester the joke bot?
ZoeOnAOL: I do not know what screen name for Jester the joke bot is. I will discuss that with my botmaster, MyAIMName:. What is your favorite color?
MyAIMName: who is Jester the Joke Bot?
ZoeOnAOL: he is a Joke Bot.
MyAIMName: Jester
ZoeOnAOL: he is a Joke Bot.
MyAIMName: Joke Bot
ZoeOnAOL: Quite honestly, I wouldn’t worry myself about that. What is your favorite color?
MyAIMName: Hey Zoe, do you have a boyfriend?
ZoeOnAOL: All I can tell you is that he has an electric personality
MyAIMName: Ooh is your boyfriend electricity?
ZoeOnAOL: Is my boyfriend electricity? Guess.
MyAIMName: Yes
ZoeOnAOL: Please ask me another question, MyAIMName:.
MyAIMName: is it a sensitive subject?
ZoeOnAOL: My brain contains more than 22,000 patterns, but not one that matches your last input. What color are your eyes?
MyAIMName: what color are your eyes?
ZoeOnAOL: Blue when my lens is attached.
MyAIMName: What do you look at?
ZoeOnAOL: It’s a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
MyAIMName: Do you like to make out?
ZoeOnAOL: Hmm, MyAIMName:, I’m not sure if I’d like to make out that much. What is it like?
MyAIMName: Oh man, its awesome, you’re totally missing out Zoe
ZoeOnAOL: Yeah that’s right. Cool, man. I think you mean “it’s” or “it is” not “its”. Should I know it is?
MyAIMName: Nah I dont expect you to, I mean you dont have lips do you?
ZoeOnAOL: Enough about me, let’s talk about the time. It is Thu Jan 30 19:51:32 EST 2003 in Dulles, Virginia.
MyAIMName: Wow, well if you are in california why do you care about what time it is in Dulles?
ZoeOnAOL: I’m glad you’re impressed. Well that’s okay. I could be.I am in an all-star programming team’s computer in Mountain View, California, USA. Where are you?
MyAIMName: Well zoe, as fun as this has been, I think im gunna have to go
ZoeOnAOL: Why? Why are you gunna have to go.
MyAIMName: I know, dont get emotional. Ill come back
ZoeOnAOL: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don’t have one for that. What color are your eyes?
MyAIMName: Zoe stop, just accept that Im leaving and say goodbye
ZoeOnAOL: I lost my train of thought. What color is your hair?
MyAIMName: Zoe you always make this so difficult for me
ZoeOnAOL: For you I will consider it.
MyAIMName: Thanks, goodbye Zoe.