It starts with a “Ska” and ends with a “Tch” and everyone wants to drink it, because anyone who’se a man drinks Scotch. There is of course the issue that many people abhor the taste of scotch, but if I can quote myself from a drunken misadventure many years ago “Drunk people can’t say no to whiskey” (Which incidentally is gospel truth and should not be doubted)

Even if you’re not a huge Scotch drinker, this gift still has it’s allure in being techy, cool and something involving booze (the guy trifecta). They are, without further ado:

Whiskey Stones
Whiskey Stones!

The idea is actually pretty simple… you take the things, stick them in your freezer then when they’re ready you drop them in your drink and they chill it without watering it down.

This is essentially the same thing as those creepy purple and orange globes they spat out in the 90s that were supposed to do the same thing but didn’t get cold and didn’t look nearly as cool. Plus more than any other drink out there, people who have a giant boner for their scotch pride themselves on how little water they can use in their scotch. Which makes ice the perfect cheating tool, so you can bust their balls (or help them out if they’re legit) by using these thingies.

This alone is an awesome gift, but in case you’re also debating buying some scotch for someone, I’ve got the following quick click gift guide to Scotch, organized by price.

Also blended Scotches tend to be looked down on by more mid-range Scotch drinkers because they’re less pure. In their quest for the perfect Aryan scotch they’ve gotten slightly jaded, but don’t worry, there’s no ethnic cleansing slated for this holiday season. Ultimately if you’re buying Scotches for people who know their Scotches they’re going to find something snarky to say about your selection, but if you want to fake it here’s my recommendations:

Booze it up my friends:

20ish bucks a bottle:
Johnny Walker Red, J & B, Glenlivet (my personal favorite out of the bunch, as it was my training wheel Scotch)

30 bucks a bottle
Lismore – When I had a wicked case of swine flu, an amazing friend gave me this to cure it, and it worked. And it got me drunk. What’s not to like? Also:
Glenmorangie 10 Year – I’ve spent many a night loaded on this stuff, another of my friend’s favorites

40 bucks a bottle
Glenlivet 14 – I’ve heard mixed reviews from mi amigos

Balvenie Double Barrel – Another I havent had, but my hombres say it’s amazing (I like using Spanglish when talking about Scotch)

50 bucks a bottle:
Unfortunately the only time I was drinking 50 dollar scotch I got blackout drunk so I can’t really remember what I was drinking. Good luck!

At this point we’re thoroughly out of the range of Scotch’s I’d ever buy on a regular basis, so that means if I’ve had these later ones I was drinking heavily at the time so certainly have no frame of reference for what these actually taste like. As such, take my word for it that if you buy a dude one of the following Scotch’s he’s obligated to bone you when and where you want, and if he doesn’t, we’ll find him and take his Man Card.

150 Bucks a bottle:
Macallan 18 – My scotch swilling buddies swear by this

160 bucks a bottle:
Johnny Walker Blue – This isn’t one of those things that’s expensive cause it’s rare.

So there you have it, from cheapish to expensivish, Scotch on the Rocks (literally) for December 2nd. Get shopping folks!